I don't know how she does it, either!!

I thoroughly enjoyed going to the movies with my husband last night.  I always love our movie dates, but this time I got to pick the movie, so it was extra fun.....well...for me, anyway.  We skipped the monkeys-take-over-the-world movie, the global plague movie, and the R-rated-everyone-dies-or-blows-up movie, and went instead for "I don't know how she does it", a chick flick featuring a mom who tries to juggle a demanding career and a busy family life.  (*yawn* said my husband...)  Ok, so he was mostly bored, but I laughed a lot.  On our way home, I talked about my takeaways from the film. My husband noted that he did not have any takeaways from the film, but here's what I got:

Be truly grateful if you're able to "stay at home" with your kids.  (I use that term really loosely because every SAHM knows we don't actually get to spend that much time at home...)  My husband and I decided when our oldest child was two years old that my most valuable contribution to our family was not to earn a second income, but to make a home for us.  I've never regretted that decision.  It was hard trading my briefcase for Blue's Clues and Veggie Tales, but I wouldn't trade that time with my kids for anything!

If you're a mom who works outside the home, you're a superhero!  The mom in the movie nearly lost her family before she figured out what you already know: you can't do/be/have it all.  Not really.  You make choices.  You set priorities. You juggle.  You sacrifice. You make the most important things, the most important things.  You do an amazingly difficult job, and my hat is off to you!

Don't fall into the trap of thinking anyone else "has it together". Because the life of a Pastor's wife is very busy, and we have a large family, people ask me all the time how I "do it all".  The short answer is "I don't."  I struggle just like you do to make the right decisions, and strike a balance between all the things competing for my attention. I focus on one area, and something else falls apart. Yesterday I spent the whole day with my husband, today the house is a disaster. (Don't tell my small group, they'll be here at 6:30!)  But I do continually seek God's direction for that balance, and resist the urge to compare myself to anyone else. 

Life is better together.  In the movie, the main character had a supportive friend who cheered her on, no matter what. At Crossroads, we're starting our first-ever women's Bible study in October. Over a dozen women, many of them young moms, have signed up.  My prayer for them is that they will love growing in their faith, and in the knowledge of God's word. But I also pray they find their "cheering section", other women who can encourage them on their journey, and point them to Christ when they don't know how to do, be, or have it all.  Can't wait to get started!

Today's Verse: "I am ready for anything through the strength of the one who lives within me."  Phillipians 4:13 (Phillips)

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to recognize that in my own strength, I can't hope to do, or be, or have it all.  Help me make your priorities my own and, grant me the strength I need to do all You have called me to do.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Titus Twosdays: Smoke and Mirrors

She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

Proverbs 31:27 AMP

This is what your laundry room looks like, right? Yeah, mine too....

Remember last week, we talked about balancing all the things that compete for a slice of our day? We established some priorities to help us build a solid foundation: God first. Husband second. Children third. Now that we've got the Top Three where they belong, let's spend a few minutes looking at ways we can put housework in its place, in light of the fact that it's not the most important thing! We're not going to cover this in an exhaustive way, there are lots of books out there on this subject. I just want to share a way of approaching it that has helped me along the way.

Let me start by saying that my house gets messy. Sometimes really messy! We live here, my husband and I, our three teenagers, two Boxers, three gray cats, and a Beta fish named Spike. So I'm not speaking from a world that's always pristine and polished. After years of beating myself up for all the stuff I don't have time to do, I've discovered something that works, and I hope it will help you too.

Now, I know you have high standards for your home. I had them too. I don't have low standards now, just different ones. I've adjusted them to match my real life, not the life in my head, where sheets are ironed and DVD's are alphabetized. I used to fret because, in between getting the eight year old back and forth to school, feeding and changing the baby, and chasing the toddlers through the house, I couldn't manage to get everything done. I felt like a failure, like I was the only mom who couldn't keep it together. Comparison and isolation are common tools the enemy uses to discourage moms, by the way. Don't buy it.

Here's something that worked for me when the kids were little, that I still use today. I call it "smoke and mirrors" because the public areas of the house will look clean and tidy, but it only takes about ninety minutes, and can be accomplished a task at a time, as my day allows. It doesn't replace "real cleaning" but will make your home much more livable in between times, and you'll have a sense of accomplishment when it's done.

Some guiding principles before we get into specifics: Try thinking of your day as a suitcase, putting the big important things in first, and tucking small items into the small spaces. Start by putting a simple dish in the crock pot in the morning. (Get one of my favorites here), or check out www.sparkrecipes.com for more easy, healthy dishes. The pressure of "what's for dinner?" will vanish, and your house will smell of home cooking. Start a load of laundry then, too. You already know moms don't have time to do one thing at a time! Stuff that's hard to do with toddlers underfoot, like mopping the floor, I saved for nap time. Don't be shy about involving your kids in this process. Matching socks or putting away toys can be a fun counting or sorting game with your little ones.

So here's what I do in about ninety minutes, usually not all at once. Sprinkle a little baking soda on the living room carpet (makes it smell fresher and baking soda is cheap!) Let it sit for a few minutes while I do the following: Pick up anything out of place in the living room. Spray fabric refresher on the upholstered furniture and area rugs in the living and dining rooms, 5 minutes. Quick clean the first bathroom (wipe sink, counter, and potty with disinfecting wipes, clean toilet bowl, windex the mirror, hang fresh towels, empty trash, stock paper and soap), 10 minutes. Vacuum living room carpet, 5 minutes. Swiffer-dust living room and dining room furniture, 5 minutes. Sweep floors in foyer, dining room, and kitchen, 10 minutes. Clean up kitchen-quick wipe the stove, frige, counters, sink, and table with a clean damp rag and some multi-purpose cleaner, throw a few dishes in the dishwasher. 15 minutes. Make my bed, put clothes and books away, 10 minutes. Quick clean my bathroom, 10 minutes. Quick clean bathroom number three, 5 minutes. Mop tile floors in kitchen and hallway, 10 minutes. Damp mop wood floors in dining room and foyer, 5 minutes. Total: 90 minutes. What about those messy teenager rooms? I close the door, they can do it later!

No, the baseboards and ceiling fans aren't dusted with this method. No, the windows don't sparkle. Yes, there is still plenty of laundry waiting for my attention. But when my husband comes home from work, and kids from school, or a friend drops by, at least there is a sense of order, and we can enjoy being here. Now, because I have an especially demanding schedule, I do have help with my house once a week. But the other six days, it's on me, and this method makes my house livable, so I can focus on things that are really important. Leave a comment on this post and share your time saving tips with us!

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to use my hours wisely. Help me to remember that my children are only small for a short time, and house work will always be there. Surround me with encouraging friends who can help me on the journey of home and family. In Jesus' name, Amen.

BUSY HANDS

Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands…….20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

In a beautiful church, on a snowy February night, Gene put a wedding ring on my finger and we said “I do”. I was 20, and the hands that wore that ring were soft, my fingers slender, my nails long and perfectly polished. I didn’t do much housework in those days, just ask my Mom! On second thought, you don’t need to talk to her….. Now, more than 2 decades later, I do not have pretty hands. My fingers are no longer slender, but stubby. My fingernails are clean, short and unpolished. My hands are dry and wrinkly from years of diaper changing, cleaning, cooking and washing dishes for my family of six. They have a delicate texture from years of medicine for nickel allergies and eczema. But my husband thinks my hands are beautiful.

Several years ago, Gene bought me a new wedding ring, and wearing it made me notice my hands. I told him I was making an appointment for a manicure and a parafin so my hands wouldn’t look like I fix tractors for a living. He laughed and gave me maybe the best compliment of my life. He said “Your hands are beautiful to me because of the work you do with them.” Wow. You see why I married this man?

Physical beauty is fleeting. Waistlines spread (what waistline?) Gravity wins. So does gray hair, eventually. But the work that we do with our hands in Christ’s name will remain. With my hands I’ve rocked babies, and colored in coloring books. My hands have mended broken toys and broken hearts. I’ve held hands with my husband, and brushed away tears of sadness and joy. My hands have turned the pages of my Bible in every season of life. With my hands I give food to the needy, and write devotions to encourage women. What can you do with your hands today that will last? It’s not about how pretty your hands are…it’s about how busy they are!

Prayer for today: Father, I offer my hands to you as instruments of your love. Show me today what I can do with my hands that will have lasting value in the lives of others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.