I don't know how she does it, either!!

I thoroughly enjoyed going to the movies with my husband last night.  I always love our movie dates, but this time I got to pick the movie, so it was extra fun.....well...for me, anyway.  We skipped the monkeys-take-over-the-world movie, the global plague movie, and the R-rated-everyone-dies-or-blows-up movie, and went instead for "I don't know how she does it", a chick flick featuring a mom who tries to juggle a demanding career and a busy family life.  (*yawn* said my husband...)  Ok, so he was mostly bored, but I laughed a lot.  On our way home, I talked about my takeaways from the film. My husband noted that he did not have any takeaways from the film, but here's what I got:

Be truly grateful if you're able to "stay at home" with your kids.  (I use that term really loosely because every SAHM knows we don't actually get to spend that much time at home...)  My husband and I decided when our oldest child was two years old that my most valuable contribution to our family was not to earn a second income, but to make a home for us.  I've never regretted that decision.  It was hard trading my briefcase for Blue's Clues and Veggie Tales, but I wouldn't trade that time with my kids for anything!

If you're a mom who works outside the home, you're a superhero!  The mom in the movie nearly lost her family before she figured out what you already know: you can't do/be/have it all.  Not really.  You make choices.  You set priorities. You juggle.  You sacrifice. You make the most important things, the most important things.  You do an amazingly difficult job, and my hat is off to you!

Don't fall into the trap of thinking anyone else "has it together". Because the life of a Pastor's wife is very busy, and we have a large family, people ask me all the time how I "do it all".  The short answer is "I don't."  I struggle just like you do to make the right decisions, and strike a balance between all the things competing for my attention. I focus on one area, and something else falls apart. Yesterday I spent the whole day with my husband, today the house is a disaster. (Don't tell my small group, they'll be here at 6:30!)  But I do continually seek God's direction for that balance, and resist the urge to compare myself to anyone else. 

Life is better together.  In the movie, the main character had a supportive friend who cheered her on, no matter what. At Crossroads, we're starting our first-ever women's Bible study in October. Over a dozen women, many of them young moms, have signed up.  My prayer for them is that they will love growing in their faith, and in the knowledge of God's word. But I also pray they find their "cheering section", other women who can encourage them on their journey, and point them to Christ when they don't know how to do, be, or have it all.  Can't wait to get started!

Today's Verse: "I am ready for anything through the strength of the one who lives within me."  Phillipians 4:13 (Phillips)

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to recognize that in my own strength, I can't hope to do, or be, or have it all.  Help me make your priorities my own and, grant me the strength I need to do all You have called me to do.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Titus Twosday: Beginnings

Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.

-Psalm 127:3 CEV

Sunday at Crossroads, we had a Baby Dedication service. (For more on the biblical reason we do that, see 1 Samuel 1:11-28.) It's one of the sweetest things we get to do as pastors. The darling little girl in the photo at right is our goddaughter, Emery Grace. Her mother was among the parents who pledged before family, friends, and congregation to raise their children in a home where God's love and grace are modeled, to give these precious little ones every opportunity to trust Christ as Savior. As I looked at all the babies on the platform with us, I reflected on just how difficult that assignment is when our children are small.
Last week, when I asked what you'd like to hear about on "Titus Twosdays", many of you said you need to know more about balancing the responsibilities of being a mom with other demands on your time and energy. So we'll dive into that just a little bit today, with more posts to come in the future. Let's start today with priorities since everything else will flow out of that.
If you've ever traveled by air, you're familiar with the safety instructions given at the beginning of every flight: make sure your seatbelt is low and tight across your lap, seat backs and tray tables in the upright and locked position, turn off all electronics, etc. Then there is the instruction that perfectly illustrates our point today: if you see oxygen masks drop, please secure your own mask first, then assist your child. Why? Because you must first take care of you to be able to help anyone else. A mother who is spritually, emotionally and physically drained is in no position to lovingly care for her family. But how do you take care of you when the baby is up all night, the laundry is piling up, and romance is a hazy memory? I'm so glad you asked!
I am not a psychologist or counselor, but I am the mother of four children, 3 of whom are very close in age. I remember feeling like I would always be pregnant or nursing! I speak from the trenches of childrearing, having survived the baby and toddler years and lived to tell the story. One of the most valuable things I learned was the oxygen mask lesson. I was no good as a wife or mom without making sure I put first things first. Here are a few practical things you can do today to start taking better care of you, and get your priorities straight so you have more to give as a wife and mom.
1. God first. Stay spiritually full. Make time every day to read your Bible and pray. Even if it's only a chapter or two, thanking Him for your blessings, and asking for strength and wisdom for the day, it will give you hope and encouragement like nothing else can. When my kids were 8, 3, 2, and newborn, the only time I could find for this was in the afternoon when they napped. I had tea and time with God. Sometimes it only lasted 15 or 20 minutes, but that time with God that was my "oxygen". It helped me do everything else.
2. Husband second. Your husband comes before your kids. Putting the kids first is a huge mistake. I can't say that enough! Even though your children's cries for attention are louder than his, a strong and happy marriage is the best gift you will ever give your child. Try to have a "date" every week. On purpose. Put the babysitter and the movie tickets in the budget. If money is tight, take a walk in the park, have Chinese food by candlelight after the baby is in bed, or a plan a romantic night "in". Your husband needs to know he hasn't been replaced by your child, that he is your priority!
3. Kids third. Notice that children come before the house. I know the house and laundry are screaming for your attention. But your laundry you will have with you always, and your kids are only little for a short time. You will never regret choosing to snuggle your baby, play Duplos with your toddler, or color with your kindergartner, over having a perfectly clean house.
Everything else: house, job, church comes after these three. We'll talk about managing those...next time.
Prayer for Today: Father, I know that my children are blessings from you. Please show me how to take care of me, so I can care for my family in a way that honors You. In Jesus name, Amen.

BUSY HANDS

Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

Proverbs 31:12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands…….20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

In a beautiful church, on a snowy February night, Gene put a wedding ring on my finger and we said “I do”. I was 20, and the hands that wore that ring were soft, my fingers slender, my nails long and perfectly polished. I didn’t do much housework in those days, just ask my Mom! On second thought, you don’t need to talk to her….. Now, more than 2 decades later, I do not have pretty hands. My fingers are no longer slender, but stubby. My fingernails are clean, short and unpolished. My hands are dry and wrinkly from years of diaper changing, cleaning, cooking and washing dishes for my family of six. They have a delicate texture from years of medicine for nickel allergies and eczema. But my husband thinks my hands are beautiful.

Several years ago, Gene bought me a new wedding ring, and wearing it made me notice my hands. I told him I was making an appointment for a manicure and a parafin so my hands wouldn’t look like I fix tractors for a living. He laughed and gave me maybe the best compliment of my life. He said “Your hands are beautiful to me because of the work you do with them.” Wow. You see why I married this man?

Physical beauty is fleeting. Waistlines spread (what waistline?) Gravity wins. So does gray hair, eventually. But the work that we do with our hands in Christ’s name will remain. With my hands I’ve rocked babies, and colored in coloring books. My hands have mended broken toys and broken hearts. I’ve held hands with my husband, and brushed away tears of sadness and joy. My hands have turned the pages of my Bible in every season of life. With my hands I give food to the needy, and write devotions to encourage women. What can you do with your hands today that will last? It’s not about how pretty your hands are…it’s about how busy they are!

Prayer for today: Father, I offer my hands to you as instruments of your love. Show me today what I can do with my hands that will have lasting value in the lives of others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.