Titus Twosdays: Smoke and Mirrors

She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

Proverbs 31:27 AMP

This is what your laundry room looks like, right? Yeah, mine too....

Remember last week, we talked about balancing all the things that compete for a slice of our day? We established some priorities to help us build a solid foundation: God first. Husband second. Children third. Now that we've got the Top Three where they belong, let's spend a few minutes looking at ways we can put housework in its place, in light of the fact that it's not the most important thing! We're not going to cover this in an exhaustive way, there are lots of books out there on this subject. I just want to share a way of approaching it that has helped me along the way.

Let me start by saying that my house gets messy. Sometimes really messy! We live here, my husband and I, our three teenagers, two Boxers, three gray cats, and a Beta fish named Spike. So I'm not speaking from a world that's always pristine and polished. After years of beating myself up for all the stuff I don't have time to do, I've discovered something that works, and I hope it will help you too.

Now, I know you have high standards for your home. I had them too. I don't have low standards now, just different ones. I've adjusted them to match my real life, not the life in my head, where sheets are ironed and DVD's are alphabetized. I used to fret because, in between getting the eight year old back and forth to school, feeding and changing the baby, and chasing the toddlers through the house, I couldn't manage to get everything done. I felt like a failure, like I was the only mom who couldn't keep it together. Comparison and isolation are common tools the enemy uses to discourage moms, by the way. Don't buy it.

Here's something that worked for me when the kids were little, that I still use today. I call it "smoke and mirrors" because the public areas of the house will look clean and tidy, but it only takes about ninety minutes, and can be accomplished a task at a time, as my day allows. It doesn't replace "real cleaning" but will make your home much more livable in between times, and you'll have a sense of accomplishment when it's done.

Some guiding principles before we get into specifics: Try thinking of your day as a suitcase, putting the big important things in first, and tucking small items into the small spaces. Start by putting a simple dish in the crock pot in the morning. (Get one of my favorites here), or check out www.sparkrecipes.com for more easy, healthy dishes. The pressure of "what's for dinner?" will vanish, and your house will smell of home cooking. Start a load of laundry then, too. You already know moms don't have time to do one thing at a time! Stuff that's hard to do with toddlers underfoot, like mopping the floor, I saved for nap time. Don't be shy about involving your kids in this process. Matching socks or putting away toys can be a fun counting or sorting game with your little ones.

So here's what I do in about ninety minutes, usually not all at once. Sprinkle a little baking soda on the living room carpet (makes it smell fresher and baking soda is cheap!) Let it sit for a few minutes while I do the following: Pick up anything out of place in the living room. Spray fabric refresher on the upholstered furniture and area rugs in the living and dining rooms, 5 minutes. Quick clean the first bathroom (wipe sink, counter, and potty with disinfecting wipes, clean toilet bowl, windex the mirror, hang fresh towels, empty trash, stock paper and soap), 10 minutes. Vacuum living room carpet, 5 minutes. Swiffer-dust living room and dining room furniture, 5 minutes. Sweep floors in foyer, dining room, and kitchen, 10 minutes. Clean up kitchen-quick wipe the stove, frige, counters, sink, and table with a clean damp rag and some multi-purpose cleaner, throw a few dishes in the dishwasher. 15 minutes. Make my bed, put clothes and books away, 10 minutes. Quick clean my bathroom, 10 minutes. Quick clean bathroom number three, 5 minutes. Mop tile floors in kitchen and hallway, 10 minutes. Damp mop wood floors in dining room and foyer, 5 minutes. Total: 90 minutes. What about those messy teenager rooms? I close the door, they can do it later!

No, the baseboards and ceiling fans aren't dusted with this method. No, the windows don't sparkle. Yes, there is still plenty of laundry waiting for my attention. But when my husband comes home from work, and kids from school, or a friend drops by, at least there is a sense of order, and we can enjoy being here. Now, because I have an especially demanding schedule, I do have help with my house once a week. But the other six days, it's on me, and this method makes my house livable, so I can focus on things that are really important. Leave a comment on this post and share your time saving tips with us!

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to use my hours wisely. Help me to remember that my children are only small for a short time, and house work will always be there. Surround me with encouraging friends who can help me on the journey of home and family. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Free To Good Home

"He does not punish us for all our sins;

he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve." Psalm 103:10 NLT

Don't let this adorable face fool you. When she wakes up from this nap, she'll be into some new mischief before you can say "free to good home". We've never had a puppy quite like Ellie before. We have given her the same care our other Boxers have enjoyed: a loving home, a big yard, good food, lots of chew toys....Chew toys will be featured prominently as our story continues. It's not an exaggeration to say that Ellie is the most willful and disobedient pup we have ever had. "Oh, she can't be that bad", you say. Oh, yes she can.

Just a few highlights, by the numbers. She has dug six holes in the back yard. Destroyed five pair of shoes. Four is the number of times she has broken out in full-body hives from sticking her face in, or sitting in, a pile of fire ants. It's also the number of dog toys she has dismembered, de-sqeakered and de-stuffed. Coincidentally, four is also the number of times I have had our carpets cleaned since her arrival. She has destroyed three pieces of very nice patio furniture, including shattering a glass tabletop. She has eaten two pair of rather expensive eyeglasses. Leaving me with one nerve, which she is sitting on.

A couple of weeks ago, I came home to find Ellie sitting in a pile of feathers, which she had extracted from a cushion on our living room sofa. With feathers in her mouth, her head cocked to one side, she looked at me as if to say "What?". I looked down at her and said "I will not be hypnotized by your cuteness!" I have four words for you! Free. To. Good. Home!" She curled up at my feet and looked up at me with sad eyes, a look which the Boxer breed has perfected. My heart melted. In spite of all of her faults and failures to live up to my expectations, she is part of the family, and she is here to stay.

I love how God uses events in my life to teach me about Him. In that moment, He showed me how very much like Ellie I can be. I make a mess of things, fail to live up to expectations, and fall at His feet asking for mercy. Again. And He is full of forgiveness and compassion. No matter how I mess up, I'm part of His family. I'm here to stay. And so are you.

Prayer for Today: Heavenly Father, thank You that You are rich in mercy. You do not punish me as I deserve when I'm willfully disobedient. Help me to be gracious and forgiving to people in my life, as You are gracious to me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Titus Twosday: Beginnings

Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.

-Psalm 127:3 CEV

Sunday at Crossroads, we had a Baby Dedication service. (For more on the biblical reason we do that, see 1 Samuel 1:11-28.) It's one of the sweetest things we get to do as pastors. The darling little girl in the photo at right is our goddaughter, Emery Grace. Her mother was among the parents who pledged before family, friends, and congregation to raise their children in a home where God's love and grace are modeled, to give these precious little ones every opportunity to trust Christ as Savior. As I looked at all the babies on the platform with us, I reflected on just how difficult that assignment is when our children are small.
Last week, when I asked what you'd like to hear about on "Titus Twosdays", many of you said you need to know more about balancing the responsibilities of being a mom with other demands on your time and energy. So we'll dive into that just a little bit today, with more posts to come in the future. Let's start today with priorities since everything else will flow out of that.
If you've ever traveled by air, you're familiar with the safety instructions given at the beginning of every flight: make sure your seatbelt is low and tight across your lap, seat backs and tray tables in the upright and locked position, turn off all electronics, etc. Then there is the instruction that perfectly illustrates our point today: if you see oxygen masks drop, please secure your own mask first, then assist your child. Why? Because you must first take care of you to be able to help anyone else. A mother who is spritually, emotionally and physically drained is in no position to lovingly care for her family. But how do you take care of you when the baby is up all night, the laundry is piling up, and romance is a hazy memory? I'm so glad you asked!
I am not a psychologist or counselor, but I am the mother of four children, 3 of whom are very close in age. I remember feeling like I would always be pregnant or nursing! I speak from the trenches of childrearing, having survived the baby and toddler years and lived to tell the story. One of the most valuable things I learned was the oxygen mask lesson. I was no good as a wife or mom without making sure I put first things first. Here are a few practical things you can do today to start taking better care of you, and get your priorities straight so you have more to give as a wife and mom.
1. God first. Stay spiritually full. Make time every day to read your Bible and pray. Even if it's only a chapter or two, thanking Him for your blessings, and asking for strength and wisdom for the day, it will give you hope and encouragement like nothing else can. When my kids were 8, 3, 2, and newborn, the only time I could find for this was in the afternoon when they napped. I had tea and time with God. Sometimes it only lasted 15 or 20 minutes, but that time with God that was my "oxygen". It helped me do everything else.
2. Husband second. Your husband comes before your kids. Putting the kids first is a huge mistake. I can't say that enough! Even though your children's cries for attention are louder than his, a strong and happy marriage is the best gift you will ever give your child. Try to have a "date" every week. On purpose. Put the babysitter and the movie tickets in the budget. If money is tight, take a walk in the park, have Chinese food by candlelight after the baby is in bed, or a plan a romantic night "in". Your husband needs to know he hasn't been replaced by your child, that he is your priority!
3. Kids third. Notice that children come before the house. I know the house and laundry are screaming for your attention. But your laundry you will have with you always, and your kids are only little for a short time. You will never regret choosing to snuggle your baby, play Duplos with your toddler, or color with your kindergartner, over having a perfectly clean house.
Everything else: house, job, church comes after these three. We'll talk about managing those...next time.
Prayer for Today: Father, I know that my children are blessings from you. Please show me how to take care of me, so I can care for my family in a way that honors You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Morning Glory Muffins

Mmm.....Morning Glory Muffins

For a quick, portable breakfast for busy mornings, prepare these easy muffins the night before, and serve with your favorite juice and hot coffee, tea or cocoa. Whole wheat flour, wheat germ, veggies, fruits and nuts make these muffins delicious and healthful, too. Use non-stick cooking spray rather than oil to spray the muffin cups, and substitute unsweetened apple sauce for the oil in the recipe for a healthier, lower fat muffin. Enjoy!

Morning Glory Muffins

(Thanks to allrecipes.com!)

(Yield: 18 muffins)

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 1/4 cups white sugar
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups grated carrots
• 1 apple - peeled, cored, and chopped
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 egg
• 2 egg whites
• 1/2 cup apple butter
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts
• 2 tablespoons toasted wheat germ

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly oil 18 muffin cups, or coat with nonstick cooking spray.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs, egg whites, apple butter, oil and vanilla.
3. In a large bowl, stir together flours, sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Stir in carrots, apples and raisins. Stir in apple butter mixture until just moistened. Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin cups, filling them about 3/4 full.
4. In a small bowl, combine walnuts and wheat germ; sprinkle over the muffin tops.
5. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the tops are golden and spring back when lightly pressed.

Nutritional Information

Amount Per Serving Calories: 194 | Total Fat: 4.2g | Cholesterol: 12mg

Banner Mom

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.

-Hebrews 13:5 NKJV

Are you one of those moms who decorates the outside of her house for every season and holiday? Not just twinkle lights at Christmas, but flags and wreaths and yard ornaments for every occasion? "Welcome Spring!" your yard cheerfully exclaims. If you are that girl, I must admit I've looked longingly at your banners and bunnies, your sugarplums and snowmen and wondered why your life is so together, and what's wrong with me?! And I've secretly wished I was a Banner Mom, too.

Today, as I read Hebrews 13:5, I realized that I've always thought about this verse in terms of material things. I mean, I understand that God wants me to be grateful for the house, car, and clothing He has provided for me, and that I shouldn't covet yours. But shouldn't this 'being content' go much deeper than that? Doesn't He also want us to be content with who He's made us to be? With the gifts we've received? With the place where we live? Do we find ourselves wishing we lived somewhere else? Or that we had someone else's job, talent, or ministry? Ouch.

God has a plan and a purpose for each one of us, and we're gifted and shaped to accomplish that purpose. Should we mourn the gifts we didn't receive? Should I want to be a creative "banner mom" like you? I don't think so. That's not the gift I need to accomplish His purpose in my life. I may not be able to decorate my porch for all seasons, but I was a good English student and I love to write. So we use what we have, and leave the results up to Him. And the next time I drive by the reindeer in your yard, I'll remember I get to write about it.....

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to be content with what I have in every area of my life. Help me to cherish and be grateful for the family, job, city, church, and gifts you have given to me. Help me accomplish Your purpose for my life. In Jesus name, Amen.

Titus Twosdays: Us Older women

In the same way, teach older women to be holy in their behavior, not speaking against others or enslaved to too much wine, but teaching what is good.⁴ Then they can teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,⁵ to be wise and pure, to be good workers at home, to be kind, and to yield to their husbands. Then no one will be able to criticize the teaching God gave us. Titus 2:3-5 NCV

Older woman. Yep, that's me. I don't feel older. But twenty-nine years of marriage and four children from fifteen to twenty three prove that I've been on this journey longer than most of my readers. I love this passage of scripture. It brings to mind all of the wonderful women God has brought into my life to encourage, teach, correct and inspire me along the way. I'm so happy they took His command to "teach the younger women" to heart. Mentors, friends, teachers, pastor's wives-all of them have left an imprint on my heart. They have shaped me, and equipped me to answer God's call on my life.

And so I hope to follow in their steps, sharing joy, regrets, insight, and encouragement from further down the road. I'm calling it Titus Two Tuesdays, and in these posts I'll share about marriage, motherhood, and following Christ from the perspective of an older woman. Please leave a comment, and tell me what topics would be most helpful to you. I can't wait to get started!

You First

"When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves."

Phillipians 2:3 NCV

I love this picture. I don't love it because it's a great photograph, although it is a great picture (thanks, Caitlin!). It's special to me because of what it represents-about 23,000 miles of quality time with my husband on the Harley. You know what's crazy, though? Those amazing trips together almost never happened. I almost missed something incredibly wonderful God wanted to do in our relationship, because I was...um...not doing what Phillipians 2:3 says to do.

When Gene told me he wanted a motorcycle, I hated the idea. Mostly because it seemed risky and dangerous and fool-hardy for a father of four to be riding around on only two wheels. I told him "Do whatever you want, but you're on your own, I don't want any part of it". I sulked or gave him the cold shoulder whenever he wanted to ride. I can't believe I did this (or that I'm telling you about it), but I really tried hard to take all the fun out of it for him. It wasn't too long before I realized the error of my ways. "It's not about you", the Holy Sprit nudged. "Honey, are you sure you don't want to go with me?", my kind and optimistic husband would ask. Finally, realizing how much it meant to him, I said I would go for a ride. I put his wishes (gulp) above mine. Because that's what you do when you're married....right?

That first ride was really scary, but he was patient and understanding. We didn't go too far or too fast. We went again, and I wasn't quite so nervous. We rode occasionally, then pretty often, then sometimes it was me who suggested a ride! He was very responsible, buying protective clothing-jackets, helmets, boots and gloves. For Christmas, he bought me my first pair of chaps. "Awww...Honey, you shouldn't have!" I gushed. What happened? Phillipians 2:3 happened. Not letting selfishness guide me....giving more honor to him. Wow. I can't believe I almost messed that up. Today, we ride all over the place. We took the bike when we voted last week, just for fun. Our kids roll their eyes when Mom and Dad put on the leathers and fire up the bike. We don't care. They're going to move out. And then we'll get to ride even more than we do now!

I share this because over the years, I've seen couples drift apart and even divorce because they had "different interests", which grew into "nothing in common" which became "falling out of love". But it started with making their own preferences the most important thing. He can't stand shopping, she won't watch football. She doesn't like golf, he won't play tennis. He doesn't like movies, she won't ride motorcycles.... And so the lines are drawn. I'm not saying husbands and wives shouldn't have hobbies, or that they should do everything together. But there should definitely be "together" things. Because the divide only grows wider and lonelier with time. So today, I made game food, and watched college football, like I do most every Saturday. Not because I love football, but because I love him.

Prayer for Today: Father, help me to put my spouse's needs before my own. If I've been selfish, help me begin today to take an interest in something that matters to my spouse. I long to honor You in my marriage. In Jesus' name, Amen

Change is Good?

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." -Romans 12:10-11 NIV

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? -James 2:14-16 ESV

Fall has finally come to our little Southern hamlet. The Halloween candy has been eaten, the air is crisp, and the leaves are falling with the temperature. But other than this welcome change of seasons, I'll be honest, I do not like change. I'm a big fan of routines, traditions, and predictable outcomes. (Not exactly church planter material, I know) Maybe you know somebody who relishes change, who is at their best when change is the only constant. I do. I married that guy. He actually gets uncomfortable when things stay the same!

2008 was a year of tremendous change for our family. When Thanksgiving arrived, Crossroads was just nine months old, growing by leaps and bounds, and requiring our undivided attention. My parents were visiting from Colorado for the holiday, and several long time friends also joined us for the feast. I remember thinking it was strange that my husband seemed so unsettled, so distracted. He was enjoying my parents' visit, and time off with the family, but he just seemed really detached from the festivities. Finally, he shared what was bothering him. "Everything about our life this year is focused on others", he said. "And the way we're celebrating Thanksgiving just seems selfish and small." And then, he said it. "Next Thanksgiving, I don't want to be sitting here, around our dining room table with china and crystal and candles. I want to be feeding people!" I want to be doing something that matters!" And I did what I always do when he says something that challenges me: I looked at him like he had three heads.

I told him I loved our family celebration. I said I felt like our whole lives were already devoted to others, we had made huge sacrifices, and why on earth should it matter to God or to anyone else if we had the holiday to ourselves? Surely there are enough soup kitchens to feed the hungry? The argument didn't last, so I figured I won, and that he would forget all this foolishness by next year. Ehh... not so much. In the months that followed, God would change my heart, and break my heart for something that breaks His: people in need. On Thanksgiving Day 2009, our family joined an army of Crossroads volunteers who gave their Thanksgiving Day to feed over 700 people who wouldn't otherwise have had a hot meal, or people to share it with. I will never, ever be the same. Fancy dishes in the dining room pale in comparison to what God did that day through willing hearts and hands.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not condemning family celebrations at home. Far from it. But I am saying that if God prompts you to be part of something bigger than you, do it! Don't miss what He wants to do in you and through you. And if you're looking for someplace to serve, we'll be under the big tent in the parking lot of the College Cinema.

If you're interested, here's a link to the video from last year:

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1310612408275

If you can't click the video link, just copy and paste in your browser.

Prayer for Today: Father, help me not to elevate my traditions over Your direction. I pray for the courage to do the things You prompt me to do. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Brunch and Bible Study

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." 2 Peter 3:18 NIV (2010)

I love Fridays! That's the day I get to gather with friends, have a little gourmet coffee, and dig in to God's word. Nothing formal, just friends sharing life, and growing in faith. This Friday is the last session of our current study, so we're having a little brunch. Remember, this blog is for both "Daily Bread and Girly Food", so in addition to today's verse, here's the recipe for the dish I'm bringing to our brunch. It can be made the night before and baked in the morning, if you like. Enjoy!

Amish Breakfast Casserole

Ingredients

1 pound sliced bacon, diced

1 medium sweet onion, chopped

6 eggs, lightly beaten

4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed

2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese

1 1/2 cups small curd cottage cheese

1 1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese

Directions

In a large skillet, cook bacon and onion until bacon is crisp; drain. In a bowl, combine the remaining ingredients; stir in bacon mixture. Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees F for 35-40 minutes or until set and bubbly. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.

**Note: I use low fat cheeses and cottage cheese, and lower sodium bacon for a healthier dish.

Prayer for Today: Father, help us to make time for life-giving friendships and study of Your word. In Jesus' name, Amen.